Renewed

I got the typed version of my Patriarchal Blessing today. It is one of the greatest blessings (literally) that I have ever received. It has completely restored my faith in areas that I was lacking, and the darkness may finally be retreating. I'm ready to be free, to start where I want to start, and be who I need and want to be. Throughout my entire journey, these words have applied to me exactly:
"I am not who I was; I'm being remade. I am new, I am new."
What a beautiful, pure truth. I am new; I will start now, and continue along this journey of life with strength and courage. I will endure to the end. I will serve the Lord with all that I am, and listen to His words and the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. I will be worthy to receive guidance. I will love myself, others, and my Savior and king, Jesus Christ.

To be plain--

Sometimes, I just feel stuck. Stuck in this looming darkness, sadness, hopelessness... I would never wish this feeling on anyone.

To Do List: November 25, 2011

1. Pick up mom from work
2. Run 6 miles
3. Do Econ homework
4. Finish 2 more paragraphs of APUSH paper
5. Read :)

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(Noted later):
I did pick up my mother from work. I only ran 4.5 miles, but hey, I'm not complaining. I didn't do number 3 or 4 on my list...regretfully. I did number 5. Success? Eehhh, more or less.

POSSIBLE

HAPPY THANKSGIVING. Today was a perfect day. My mom and I cooked all day long. I made my first real pie, and it turned out great. Turkey, gravy, stuffing, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, rolls, apple pie, pecan pie...everything homemade, home-cooked. It was delicious. Dinner was fun and everyone was happy. Of course everyone ate too much, but it was well worth it. We all took naps afterward, and my mom, my brother and I watched Elf. Now it is 10:15 and my parents are asleep, so it's just me and my brother. I'm sitting in the recliner with my book and my 2nd favorite blanket, with Christmas music playing and Spongebob muted on the TV. Everything seems perfect right in this moment: I wish I could freeze time and just sit and admire the peace that I feel right now. It is possible for us to get along and have a wonderful day together. I love my family; of all my many blessings, they are what I am most thankful for. Next to my Savior and King, Jesus Christ. I am happy, truly happy. Happy Thanksgiving indeed. :)
Apple Pie!

IMPOSSIBLE

My father is the most difficult person in the world to please. I feel like there is literally NOTHING in the world that I can do to make him happy. It's really sad actually. For example, my ACT scores...they're pretty good. I worked hard to get the score I got. It's meaningless to him though, because I want to go to BYU. Now, if I was going to CU or TCU or wherever the heck else, my scores would be awesome. Or maybe the fact that I am a part time nanny. Yeah, I am a student, the lacrosse season (my LAST high school lacrosse season) is coming up, I'm in two AP classes, and I'm a nanny. It seems reasonable for me to work a couple times each week in order to make enough money to buy gas, and also put some in my savings account. But it's not enough for him. He works 9 hours everyday and provides for the whole family, when I work 9 hours a week and can't provide for even just myself. Yeah, you're right dad, I'm a failure, thanks for pointing that out.

I just don't understand. I don't know how long I can just take it. I'm going to lose it someday. I'll end up in a mental hospital where my ACT scores don't matter anyway. Nobody's perfect, and I'm not expecting him to be, but somehow he expects me to be. I can't be though. So this argument is just a circle that will never end......please, oh please let it end.

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That awkward moment when you cant watch a Rated-R movie because you're Mormon...

Humility

Today, I finally realized that my problem is that I don't have enough humility. In some ways I do, but so often I just tell myself that I can do everything on my own, and that I shouldn't have to ask for help. It's really sad actually, I get really upset during those times when I try to do everything by myself. Then I get more upset, because I don't succeed. It's this never-ending circle of sadness that I just let myself get caught up in. But I have been humbled (no pun intended...is that even a pun?) and I realize that I need to possess a greater spirit of humility. I am human, and as much as I want to be as perfect as my Savior is, I can't do that alone. As much as I need others, I need Him. I need to remember that He is really the only one who knows what I need. He never leaves me -- not even when I'm a jerk. If I can remember that, life will become a lot easier. Maybe I'll start writing notes to remind myself. (The cool thing is that I'm not kidding about that) (I used a lot of parenthesis in this post)

Sundays are the best. A fresh start, a chance to do the things I want to do in the way that I want to. I love my Savior, and I love His gospel.
"That's all I have to say about that."
:)

Coach's Award

Before I forget, I think it's vital that I document a recent event of my life. On Thursday, November 10, 2011, my cross country team had our banquet at the Easter building. I was honestly dreading it, because there are 200 people on the team (calling names takes a long time...we were there for 4 hours. FOUR HOURS.)
It ended up being really awesome though. The coaches called up every person and handed them their particpation awards and shook each kid's hand. When it got to the seniors though, the coaches stood at the podium and shared a little bit about each runner. It was so sweet. Stevens was actually really genuine and had a lot of nice things to say about each girl. When he got to me, he of course mentioned the Susan incident (when I told him that I actually went by Susan, not Michelle...and he believed me), how Emma and I were always cheerful, the fact that I didn't wear shoes, and some other things. It was really sweet, because he is honestly the best coach I've ever had and it's hard to feel noticed sometimes when he has to coach so many people. It meant a lot to know that he actually noticed though -- not just me, but every other runner as well.
The coaches also gave out their own awards. Each coach - Hatak, Krause, Bradley, Lombardi, Lutz, and Stevens (in that oder) presented one student with an award that they wanted to personally give to that one student, for different reasons. Emma and I were sort of freaking out because we had so much homework to do, and we really wanted to leave. She actually did end up leaving right before Stevens gave his award. I had just put my head in my hands and was thinking "How much longer could this possibly go?" when Stevens said "Can I get Michelle Scott up on the stage?" He then proceeded to tell everyone that he was giving me his coach's award. I have to tell you, that was a really great moment. It showed me that my hard work didn't go unnoticed during the season, even though I wasn't super fast. It showed me that he valued me as a member of his team.
It was such a simple thing, but it meant the world to me. Of the other awards I've gotten from my high school sports, this one means the most to me. It will help me remember my favorite coach, and all the reasons why I love running. It sounds so cheesey, but I'm being serious. What a great coach; what a great season. I guess I'm just really glad I didn't leave in the middle ;)

Secret #68

For the first time in a while, I like a boy. Whaaaaat?!

Mormon Humor

I saw a joke on a laffy taffy wrapper tonight, and felt like sharing it with the missionaries:
What time was it when the elephant sat on a chair?
Time to get a new chair.

So that's pretty funny, if you laugh it's more of a pity laugh, right? Well, their reply was the best. First:
What do you get when you put a bunch of spaghetti in the ocean?
A pasta sea (apostasy).

And second:
Why couldn't the missionaries come over for dinner?
Because Moroni buried the plates.

The nerdiness of these jokes is awesome. I laughed out loud, and really obnoxiously, when they sent those. True Mormons right there.

The Noble and Great Ones

My blog title. Why?:

"22 Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the noble and great ones;

 23 And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou wast born." Abraham 3:22-23

Back in the day, Elder Allred always referenced this scripture, and whenever he said goodbye he would say "You are noble and great." I finally figured out which scripture it was that he was referencing, and it's this one. I love this scripture so much. I can't even imagine how many people I know that are considered noble and great. Most of them probably are, considering the fact that they are here in the first place. It just amazes me.

While I'm at it, I might as well share another scripture, since those are fun.

"I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." Ether 12:6

It is incredible how true that is. How can we ever receive a witness of our Savior until after a trial of our faith? We would learn nothing if life was easy. There would be no fight, no chance to endure, if we were able to see God, instead of believing for ourselves that He is. Just food for thought.

Homecoming: The Senior Version

Last night was one of the greatest nights I have had in so long. For our Young Women/Young Men activity, we hosted a "Senior Citizen Homecoming" at the church. We were put in groups, and each group was assigned a "date" that we were supposed to get to know a little better and hang out with at the dance. Brother Dick Hansen was my date, and let me tell you, he is an amazing man. He loves to talk about himself -- he's had so many incredible experiences, and he is just dying to tell everyone about them. For example, he owns a newspaper called Airport Journal, and through this ownership he has met countless famous people. The coolest story he told about this was that he was able to meet President Uchtdorf when he was put into the Aviation Hall of Fame. He liked to talk about that one. He has skied for 63 years and still does today. He has helped over 150 boys with their Eagle Scout Projects. He has hiked and camped all over Colorado and has taken groups of youth on 4-5 day journeys many, many times. He has been a member of the church for his whole life, and still attends today, though he goes alone because his wife has passed away. He is this sweet, old man that is just so full of life and wants to share his pride and happiness with anyone who will listen.
Since it was a dance, we danced. A lot. I never thought that this 80-something year old man would be able to dance, let alone for an hour and a half straight, but he did it. And he was good. I think we covered every decade, starting in the 1950s. It was so awesome to see him smiling and dancing and doing his best to get the moves right. He kept saying "This is the most fun I've had in years," and every time he said that it brought tears to my eyes -- happy tears, though.
So we danced, and we talked, and we ate a whole bunch of sweets, and we danced some more. It was one of those times when you're having so much fun that you don't even care what time it is, or what other things you could be doing instead (homework), or when you're supposed to be home. I wish I could accurately express how much fun I had. Just understand this: my feet hurt from dancing so much, my stomach hurt from laughing so much, and my face hurt from smiling so much.
I will never forget this new friend I have made. Being there last night made me realize how thankful I am for my family and friends. My ward family; my home away from home. Nothing could kill the spirit that was there, and that came home with me. The church is true. That's it.