What the aych.

I've waited for 4 years for this moment. I made varsity. Since the moment I stepped on the lacrosse field wearing Arapahoe's name, this is all that I've wanted.

I can hardly smile about it for 3 seconds. Is something wrong with me? Why am I not psyched?

Oh yeah. Because of all of the people who aren't psyched. What about them?

Ahhhhfdswedfv6h*&asdf. Why do I have to make myself dwell on sad things? Why can't I just let myself be happy? And why do I ask so many questions?

Fact of Life #21

I learned a very important lesson today.

No matter how far you run, or how hard you try, you just can't escape your problems. The hard things in life don't just go away -- they're there to make you stronger. If you could just will away the inconvenient things, we'd have no way of growing or learning. This life is test. If we pass, the greatest award imaginable awaits us at the end of it all.

I have to face this thing head-on. I have to remember that there is someone greater than I am, who is cheering me on.

It's hard to see the sunshine when you're hanging your head. No more head-hanging for this girl.

My Hope is in YOU

How peaceful would it be to be on a boat in a calm, lovely lake? I think I would love that.

Today, something really wonderful happened.

I was driving home from church, so naturally I was already in a good mood. That's what Jesus Christ does: He makes people happy. But anyway, I was listening to my favorite radio station, K-LOVE. Yes, it's a Christian radio station, and yes, cheesy songs are quite common, but I still love it. My favorite song is called "My Hope is in You" by Aaron Shust, and literally every single time I turn on the radio I hope that it comes on. So here I was, driving, grinning, and hoping that my song would come on, but a song that I didn't know started playing. I was about to take out my phone, look up the song on Youtube and play it, but I decided to just wait and see if it would come on. I thought, Hey, even if it doesn't come on, I will just enjoy whatever songs happen to play today.

I bet that by now, you know what is going to happen in this story. And you're right. MY SONG CAME ON. I got so excited, I can't even tell you. I was laughing and singing and smiling so huge. It was great. I turned the volume up all the way, so I was one of those obnoxious cars that boom when they drive by. You know what I mean? And the best part is that I was wearing my church clothes. A white, Mormon girl in  a booming car. How cool is that.

I love Sundays.
Today's Blessings:
My friend Esther had her first lesson with the missionaries. She is so respectful and really listens when people talk. I really love that about her: she is so genuine.
Hearing my song on the radio. (see above comments)
Spending time with my other family, the Lattins.
7 Layer Bars. 'nuff said.
Getting ALL of my AP US History book reading done. All 18 pages. What a great feeling.
Feeling the spirit during Brother Okazki's lesson this morning as he taught about the history of the Book of Mormon, and while Elder Houston and Elder Fuller taught about the Restoration. The spirit was so strong both times. The Book of Mormon is true, that's really all there is to it.

I'm actually looking forward to school tomorrow. I have big plans for this week. I'm going to get my life in order, while it's about to spiral into extreme chaos. Life can be good, even when things are hard. We can find happiness, even when we are surrounded by sadness.

One thing I failed to mention during my time of blog-neglect...
My dad has cancer.

"Come sail away..."

I secretly love that song.
Anyways, today I was swinging. Sometimes, I get dizzy when I swing too much, but not today. The clouds were coming in, but the air was dry and almost warm as the sun was setting. The moon, a sliver, was peeking through the clouds, bright but barely noticable. It was almost like everything was normal. But really, everything is not normal. I felt the swing was my own personal form of escape; like if I pumped my legs hard enough, I could just fly off into the sunset.
Is that cheesey? We'll go with poetic. This time, I really can't run away. This is one of "THOSE THINGS" that people talk about, cry about, blah blah blah about. I need to stick around. But I think I'll start swinging more often.
The past few posts I've posted have been super weird. I'd say I was sorry...but to whom would I be speaking?
(Hint: starts with M and ends with ichelle. That's me.)

Uhhhhh

I've tried to type this blog entry about 20 times, and no words that I can force my fingers to type even begin to explain how I feel. The simple truth:
Leah is pregnant.
That's it.
The beach sounds so great right now. I need somewhere to go where I can get away from everything, everyone. Except for Emma. She's the only one that even bothered to hear me out.

Welllllp, I won't be getting any sleep tonight.

Does any of this make sense? Sorry, no it does not.

Story Time with Michelle

I ALMOST FORGOT TO POST MY CURRANT BUSH STORY. This is the greatest story I've ever heard. Please enjoy. (Kudos to Elder Houston)
The Currant Bush
By Hugh B. Brown

You sometimes wonder whether the Lord really knows what he ought to do with you. You sometimes wonder if you know better than he does about what you ought to do and ought to become. I am wondering if I may tell you a story that I have told quite often in the Church. It is a story that is older than you are. It’s a piece out of my own life, and I’ve told it in many stakes and missions. It has to do with an incident in my life when God showed me that he knew best.

I was living up in Canada. I had purchased a farm. It was run-down. I went out one morning and saw a currant bush. It had grown up over six feet high. It was going all to wood. There were no blossoms and no currants. I was raised on a fruit farm in Salt Lake before we went to Canada, and I knew what ought to happen to that currant bush. So I got some pruning shears and went after it, and I cut it down, and pruned it, and clipped it back until there was nothing left but a little clump of stumps. It was just coming daylight, and I thought I saw on top of each of these little stumps what appeared to be a tear, and I thought the currant bush was crying. I was kind of simpleminded (and I haven’t entirely gotten over it), and I looked at it, and smiled, and said, “What are you crying about?” You know, I thought I heard that currant bush talk. And I thought I heard it say this: “How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. I was almost as big as the shade tree and the fruit tree that are inside the fence, and now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me, because I didn’t make what I should have made. How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.” That’s what I thought I heard the currant bush say, and I thought it so much that I answered. I said, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and some day, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down, for caring enough about me to hurt me. Thank you, Mr. Gardener.’”

Time passed. Years passed, and I found myself in England. I was in command of a cavalry unit in the Canadian Army. I had made rather rapid progress as far as promotions are concerned, and I held the rank of field officer in the British Canadian Army. And I was proud of my position. And there was an opportunity for me to become a general. I had taken all the examinations. I had the seniority. There was just one man between me and that which for ten years I had hoped to get, the office of general in the British Army. I swelled up with pride. And this one man became a casualty, and I received a telegram from London. It said: “Be in my office tomorrow morning at 10:00,” signed by General Turner in charge of all Canadian forces. I called in my valet, my personal servant. I told him to polish my buttons, to brush my hat and my boots, and to make me look like a general because that is what I was going to be. He did the best he could with what he had to work on, and I went up to London. I walked smartly into the office of the General, and I saluted him smartly, and he gave me the same kind of a salute a senior officer usually gives—a sort of “Get out of the way, worm!” He said, “Sit down, Brown.” Then he said, “I’m sorry I cannot make the appointment. You are entitled to it. You have passed all the examinations. You have the seniority. You’ve been a good officer, but I can’t make the appointment. You are to return to Canada and become a training officer and a transport officer. Someone else will be made a general.” That for which I had been hoping and praying for ten years suddenly slipped out of my fingers.

Then he went into the other room to answer the telephone, and I took a soldier’s privilege of looking on his desk. I saw my personal history sheet. Right across the bottom of it in bold, block-type letters was written, “THIS MAN IS A MORMON.” We were not very well liked in those days. When I saw that, I knew why I had not been appointed. I already held the highest rank of any Mormon in the British Army. He came back and said, “That’s all, Brown.” I saluted him again, but not quite as smartly. I saluted out of duty and went out. I got on the train and started back to my town, 120 miles away, with a broken heart, with bitterness in my soul. And every click of the wheels on the rails seemed to say, “You are a failure. You will be called a coward when you get home. You raised all those Mormon boys to join the army, then you sneak off home.” I knew what I was going to get, and when I got to my tent, I was so bitter that I threw my cap and my saddle brown belt on the cot. I clinched my fists and I shook them at heaven. I said, “How could you do this to me, God? I have done everything I could do to measure up. There is nothing that I could have done—that I should have done—that I haven’t done. How could you do this to me?” I was as bitter as gall.

And then I heard a voice, and I recognized the tone of this voice. It was my own voice, and the voice said, “I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to do.” The bitterness went out of my soul, and I fell on my knees by the cot to ask forgiveness for my ungratefulness and my bitterness. While kneeling there I heard a song being sung in an adjoining tent. A number of Mormon boys met regularly every Tuesday night. I usually met with them. We would sit on the floor and have a Mutual Improvement Association. As I was kneeling there, praying for forgiveness, I heard their voices singing:

“It may not be on the mountain height

Or over the stormy sea;

It may not be at the battle’s front

My Lord will have need of me;

But if, by a still, small voice he calls

To paths that I do not know,

I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:

I’ll go where you want me to go.”

(Hymns, no. 75.)

I arose from my knees a humble man. And now, almost fifty years later, I look up to him and say, “Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.” I see now that it was wise that I should not become a general at that time, because if I had I would have been senior officer of all western Canada, with a lifelong, handsome salary, a place to live, and a pension when I’m no good any longer, but I would have raised my six daughters and two sons in army barracks. They would no doubt have married out of the Church, and I think I would not have amounted to anything. I haven’t amounted to very much as it is, but I have done better than I would have done if the Lord had let me go the way I wanted to go.

I wanted to tell you that oft-repeated story because there are many of you who are going to have some very difficult experiences: disappointment, heartbreak, bereavement, defeat. You are going to be tested and tried to prove what you are made of. I just want you to know that if you don’t get what you think you ought to get, remember, “God is the gardener here. He knows what he wants you to be.” Submit yourselves to his will. Be worthy of his blessings, and you will get his blessings.

http://lds.org/new-era/1973/01/the-currant-bush?lang=eng

Anti-Social

When I am upset, I try to avoid hanging out with people. Usually a few people notice, and force me to do things, but sometimes I'm left to mope around by myself and pretend that being alone is what I really want. In all honesty, loneliness isn't the best therapy, especially for me -- a person who loves persons. I forget that for me, talking to and hanging out with people can always cheer me up.
Today was a fine day. School was pretty easy, I took a nap, watched Boy Meets World, ate some junk food (I haven't eaten that much in a while...I'll definitely be paying the consequences for that). Babysitting Kayla was fine. But all of the things that babysitting includes now just make me crazy. I literally had to pick Alex up from work today. I would never complain to her face, but I have to complain to SOMEONE -- it looks like all of those people who read this will have the pleasure of hearing my complaints. But I don't even have much to say, to be honest. I just want it to be over. I don't want to have to babysit a 10 year old AND a 27 year old. Is that so much to ask?
On my way home, I had a few choices. I could either go home and mope while pretending to do homework, or I could go to the Young Women activity, which just happened to be ice skating at Southglenn. I was about to go home, but something inside of me told me to not be a loser, and made me swerve across the 3 lanes of traffic and go to the ice rink. It was the best thing I could have possibly done. As soon as I saw all of my favorite friends laughing on the ice, I knew I was in the right place. That sounds cheesy, but I'm serious. For whatever reason, everyone was determined to get me to fall on the ice. Daniel, Bobby, Ben, and Will were literally trying to shove me over. It was so hilarious. Skating as fast as I could in circles and laughing with my friends -- now, that is just the kind of therapy I needed. I am so thankful for my friends. I am even more thankful for the truth that brought me to know these people.  
Life is good; sometimes you just need to peel back the top layers to find the good stuff.

Currant Bushes

Have you ever eaten a currant? I have not. That's for sure.
I want to post a story I heard tonight about currant bushes, but I have to find it first, and I really want to go to bed.
So to be brief,
Things to be happy about:
- I met with Marcos and the missionaries tonight. Things will get better, I know they will.
- I have first off with Esther tomorrow. I love that girl.
- I ran 4.43 miles today while it was snowing. It was beautiful. Cold, but beautiful. And my face was red for about 3 hours after I finished. Again, it's just so beautiful. (If you're into that kind of thing)
- I'M ALIVE.
Tomorrow: story time (about currants) <3

Helpless, not Hopeless

Alex and Marc are definitely getting divorced. Marc found out about Alex's "boyfriend"... I feel so horrible right now. I knew about Matt a couple of weeks ago, but never even thought that it could be a secret from Marc. I could have done something, warned him, instead of him finding out by seeing a picture of them kissing...
Why do I even have to be involved in this? Don't answer that. I know why. I'm here for Kayla. I'm not here to be used as a gossip buddy, or a telling-secrets-behind-his-back buddy. I'm not here to be used at all. I'm sick of being used, actually. I'm Kayla's buddy. I'm here to remind her (and myself) that no matter how crappy today might be, there's always hope for a better tomorrow.

Happy Days

This is Manhattan Beach. Hi there, Manhattan Beach. I miss you.

Today was such a wonderful day. You may be asking yourself, "Why was it such a wonderful day, Michelle?" and I'm here to tell you all about it.
1. I got a decent amount of sleep last night. And while "decent" in my world is equivalent to almost 7 hours, which may not seem like enough, TRUST ME, it's enough. Compared to the usual 5, it's definitely enough.
2. We meditated in my World Lit. class today. It was so crazy and awesome. I am a person who thinks about everything all the time, and while I was meditating, I literally thought about nothing. Except we were supposed to focus on a color. So I was willing myself to be surrounded by a void of light blue. Other than that, nothin'. It was amazing. I really want to try to do that more often. It seems like a healthy, necessary hobby.
3. I love my watercolor class. It is a chance during my hectic days to create beautiful things. I love it. And I love the people I sit with. I know that I will be posting about this in the future, as I'm sure it will only get better. And I'm excited.
4. We had a sub in math today. Me and Katie just go crazy in that class. Well, maybe I go crazy and Katie just makes fun of me. That seems about right. It's so fun and funny. Fun and funny. I got ...not a lot done that hour. But it was alright.
5. There were 6 people present in my APUSH (AP US History) class today. It was so hilarious. The grand total of students in that class is only 12 as it is, and it was so funny that so many people were gone. Needless to say, our discussion circle was more of a discussion clump. Good times :)
6. I had lunch with Emma, Esther, Zoe, Sydney, and Lu today, just like every other Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I just love them. Today was "Tebow Day," so there was a quarterback throwing contest and they played highlights of the Broncos-Steelers game. It was a really fun time actually. I got to try to throw the football into the net/basket thing..but I missed. It was a nice looking spiral, at least.
7. I finished learning my song on the piano today. River Flows in You, by Yiruma. I am in love with that song, and so proud of myself for learning it. It's the only song I can play...I taught myself from a Youtube video. I'm cool, right?
8. I hung out with my dad, and we made a homemade pizza, using ingredients you wouldn't expect. Okay, really the only unexpected ingredient is a tortilla. Figure that one out.
9. I went to the home of the Lovely Lattinos and helped Emma finish her winter-formal-asking project. It's always a good time at the Lattin home. And, she encouraged me to just ask the person I've been wanting to ask. I'm so lame for not asking him to homecoming. I really regret that. No, I don't, actually, because I had a really good time. Basically, the point of #9 is to share that Emma is great, and I am going to ask this boy, as friends, no matter what. Carpe diem!

Today was one of those days that I realized that every day is a blessing. Some days are harder or longer than others, but we are given one life, and a very limited number of days. So we better live every one, and enjoy it to the best of our ability. I love life right now. I am happy. And it feels SO good. :)

Things to look forward to
TOMORROW:
Church basketball
First winter lax game
Dinner for the missionaries
Famous person's birthday party, downtown with my bestest friends
BRONCOS GAME. Tim Tebow = Tim Te-bro

SUNDAY:
I love every Sunday. CHURCH is on Sundays.
I'm speaking in church. Sharing my conversion story. Wish me luck!

PS. I want to go to California. I miss the beach, the summery feel of every place you go. This summer, I will get there somehow. Someway. Between nannying and hiking, I will make time for California.


Life is good. Please enjoy this lovely song.

Missionaries

If you're ever in need of meeting someone cool, introduce yourself to some Mormon missionaries. They are honestly the coolest people you'll meet in your life. I am blessed to know all of the missionaries that have served in the Orchard Ward, and all of the others I've met along the way. And if you're ever in need of something to do that will change your life while changing countless others in the process, serve a full time mission.
3 years left for me. I cannot wait.

Secret#2284

When I'm upset, I talk to myself and stay up late because I'm talking to myself and I get really involved in these conversations and I get really involved in these conversations because sometimes I'm the only one that will listen to me and I am afraid to sleep because I want to figure everything right now and I get overwhelmed and sometimes overheated which is weird but it's true and I really just wish I was normal sometimes and I'll get four hours or less of sleep tonight that's all BYE.

Lost

The things I would never say, but need to say. This is how I feel, and sometimes I just don't want to feel it anymore. Putting here will put it somewhere that is not inside of my head.

Dear You,
I want to be here, I want so desperately to be here for you and help you make these decisions. I wish I could give you the answers, but I'm not really a fan of cheating. You need to find the answers by yourself. But the thing is, you're not looking for the answers. You don't care about the answers, really. Or so it seems. You're stuck in this never-ending cycle, and no matter how much you want to get out of it, I know that there's also a part of you that is afraid to change, to leave what is familiar to you. Familiar. It breaks my heart to think of the things that you consider familiar. Daily sex. Marijuana. Keeping secrets. Fighting. Stale bread and Ramen. A cramped, dirty, basement fit for 3 people, which houses 7, sometimes up to 10. That's what you want to go back to? Is that really what you want? You've been given a home, with people who care about you and want the best for you and are willing to help you at whatever cost. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't want the best for you. And he sure as heck wouldn't give much, if anything to help you. He's the one you keep running back to?

You're missing the importance of you. Of who you really are. It's a hard thing to understand, just how much you're worth, just how beautiful you really are. It's something I struggle with myself, and I have for a long time. But when something is true, it doesn't depend on the belief of people. Just because you believe in something doesn't make it true; you can choose to believe in something that is true. Truth is truth. And truth is what people search so earnestly for in this life. Let me tell you, it is a truth that you are worth everything to someone. He loves you more than anyone else ever could. He made you to be the person you are, and you are beautiful because of it. You are His daughter, a most beloved daughter whom He loves so much. He wants the best for you. That is true. Whether you believe it or not, it's true. I hope you believe it.

The harder I try to be here for you, the harder you try to push me away. The more of myself that I make vulnerable, the harder I get stepped on. The more I feel, the more I want to close myself off to you forever. I feel so much right now, because of this. I talk about it, and shut down my emotions because I'm afraid of what will happen when I let them out. I honestly don't know how much more I can take. But, though I sometimes take it for granted, forgiveness is one of the greatest blessings in my life. I've been forgiven for so many things, you'd think I'd be willing to return the favor. I'm trying, really. I will try my absolute hardest, for the sake of you.

You are loved.
---Michelle

Goodnight, Good Night.

I love ending the day with a smile on my face. I absolutely love my church. I am persuaded that the Orchard Ward may very well be the greatest group of people/the greatest place on Earth. I love each and every one of those people. They have all done so much for me, there's no way I could possibly repay them. Specifically Emma Lattin -- not only is she my greatest missionary, she is my greatest friend. She has changed my life so immensely. I have never loved one of my friends more. Emma McCall Lattin and Michelle Christine Scott. We will go far in life. Our first destination is BYU, where we will play lax and meet some awesome guys who will be our future husbands (just one each, not multiple...don't worry. We're polygamists, not bigamists. That's a joke. We're not either of those.)

Life is so good right now. I'm a second-semester senior. I have the greatest friends I could ask for. I wake up each day excited for what will happen. I got accepted to BYU-Idaho, so I at least know that I'm going to college. I am a daughter of God.
That last one really says it all. What more could I possibly need?
-----------------------------------------
Things to look forward to tomorrow:
Sleeping in - it's a late start!
Breakfast at Hope's house
Watercolor and Drawing II
Lunch with Emma, Esther, and Zoe
Going on a run
Babysitting (and taking a nap at the same time)
It'll be a good day.

I have a little bit too much energy for my own good. It's time for me to say goodnight to this good night.

So, goodnight. :)

I love country music.

Lemme tell you 'bout sumthin'

I had one of the greatest Sundays of all time today.

1. We were on time to church today. A "first-verse family," as Bishop Tanner would say. My mother was definitely pleased :)

2. My song came on the radio on the way to church. My Hope is in You, by Aaron Shust. Beautiful. Small blessings, but blessings nonetheless.

3. It was fast Sunday. The testimonies today were amazing and beautiful and powerful. A lot of them involved conversion stories and ways that people overcame any number of trials. The spirit is so strong during our testimony meetings. That is something I know I can always count on.
I decided to fast for myself today, that I would have greater faith and that I would be able to see the abundance of blessings in my life more clearly. I want to be able to see God's hand in my life, and to thank Him always, for everything. It was my prayer to come closer to Him, and to never forget His presence in my life. I felt like my prayer was directly answered, in just one, simple way, right in the middle of testimony meeting. Exactly one year ago, I met with missionaries for the first time. I can hardly comprehend myself how much my life has changed since then, so I can't imagine anyone else being able to fully understand if I tried to explain. It was incredible, the feeling - the Spirit - that overcame me. I knew that God was working in my life in that moment, reminding me of a time that He was ever-present, constanly moving things around in my life, leading me to the right path. I had to stand up and bear my testimony. I just almost ran up there when I realized it had been a year, exactly, since I had met with the missionaries and read Das Buch Mormon for the first time. The church is true, and that's why I'm where I am. I thought it necessary to share these things with the Orchard Ward (AKA my second family).
Leah also bore her testimony today. She spoke with such conviction and was so filled with gratitude and praise that I couldn't help but silently bawl my eyes out. It's amazing to see her devotion changing from being directed at Deven instead to Jesus Christ. She has had a hard time lately, but it's paying off. She is coming to truly know and embrace the truth. I love her, and I am so happy to be her friend. She is an incredible example and a great person.

4. We watched the 5000 Days Project (or whatever it's called) in Sunday school. The story we're watching is so good. It never ends; we've already devoted two sundays to this video, and a third will be next week. It's just so compelling, we're just gonna have to finish it. Sorry Brother Okazaki, we're going to need to postpone a few lessons.

5. We talked about the mormon.org campaign in Young Women/Young Men. It's always good to be reminded about how to approach conversations with people and to remember to be confident in the things that you share about what you believe. We had some really great conversations.

6. The Broncos won the first round of the playoffs agains the Steelers. Timmy T. shined today, but so did the rest of the team. It was an awesome game, a win in OT. Suuuuper siiiick bro. Patriots next week, though...oh well, you gotta have faith.

7. Midnight Madness at the Lattin's house. This is my favorite tradition. It is so fun and so crazy, so competitive and so hilarious. Elder Houston joined the Orchard not too long ago, and he's definitely met the standards, especially in the terms of Midnight Madness. The grand total of bodies at the Lattin home this evening was 16: all 8 Lattins, the Reeds (Stella, Marshall, and Norm), me and my mom, and Elders Christensen, Fuller and Houston. It was so much fun. And it was awesome because Elder Christensen won! Much deserved, I'd say :)
Elder Christensen leaves this Tuesday. It's so sad when missionaries leave. I just love all of the missionaries that I've met in this ward, they have all been so amazing. Elder Christensen is so awesome, and he will continue to do great things in furthering the work of the Lord's church. He is an amazing missionary, a great friend, and a truly genuine person. I will miss him, but he has great things in store.

Sundays are the greatest days. I have had such a wonderful day. I want to carry this happiness with me into the rest of my week. I love this church. It's true. Jesus lives, and leads our church today. He is my Savior and King, and I love Him with my whole heart. I'd be hopelessly lost without Him. I pray that one day I would be able to help those that really are hopelessly lost, that they might come to know their Savior, and know that there is hope. There is always hope.

Re-LAX

Lacrosse is coming.  It's coming. It's so close. In one week winter ball will start. Then morning workouts. Then tryouts. Then lax. Everyday. I honestly cannot wait.

On Tuesday and Thursday of this week, Emma and I went to Newton to start practicing for the season (specifically left hand) and it was our intention to do some sprints. Well, no sprints on Tuesday, but on Thursday, Emily Kelley, A. Fife, Hannah Drier, Hope S., and Carina joined us for a lovely afternoon of lax and a decent workout - decent if you attempt to understand that it's been a while since most of us sprinted. It was so great. I left to go babysit Kayla, and was beaming the whole way there.

Lacrosse is my own personal therapy. It's an escape from the rest of the world, even if it's just for 2 hours. I can put everything I have into it everyday, and leave everything on the field, knowing I did my best. I am determined to make this the best season of my life. It will be so much fun.

Sleep Deprived

I got home from babysitting and my brother was asleep on the couch, so I tried to wake him up. The conversation proceeded as follows:
Me: Daniel, wake up.
Daniel: Huuuhh?
Me: You need to wake up and go to bed.
Daniel: Yeah you would say that, 'cause I changed the channel and you weren't even watching...(mumbling)
Me: Daniel, I wasn't even here.
Daniel: Ooohhhh, of course not.
Me: (cracking up, quite obnoxiously)
Daniel (a few minutes later): Why are you giggling?

I love my little brother.

Sweet Dreams

I just spent an hour singing my little buddy Rowan to sleep. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, the only song he wanted to hear. Whenever I stopped, he would instantly sit up and say "BURRSHOFF! BUUURRSCHOOFFF!!!" (That means Rudolph, if you didn't know). I may not have much of a singing voice, but nothing could have brought me more peace than singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer 40 times. Nothing could have made me smile that wide. Nothing could have made me happier than watching as his eyes finally closed as I sang the last verse.

"Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer, you'll go down in history..."

That smelly smell that smells...smelly

Good ol' Mr. Krabs.
I love being outside. I truly think that nothing is better - nothing smells better - than fresh air. No matter where you are, nature and pure, fresh air make for the best smell I can possibly imagine. Pine trees in the mountains. Wet pavement after a rain storm. Smoke from a fireplace in the winter. The saltiness of the ocean. Crisp, biting air on a January morning. Freshly cut grass. Fallen leaves piled in yards, on the side of roads, stuck in gutters. Sap that oozes out of trees - the kind that sticks to your hands after you've been climbing. Flowers in bloom.

The list goes on. I wish I could just live outside, somewhere where the ocean and the mountains could be combined; where there's no big city obstructing the brightness of the night sky. That way I could smell my smells, and look at my stars. All at the same time.

The Ends

Two unpleasent things just occured.

1. I finished the Hunger Games series. I read all three of them within 6 days. I absolutely loved them. But the end...it just didn't do it for me. Everything that I wanted to happen ended up happening, but I just feel so incomplete. I hate finishing books. The other world that I live in for as long as it takes me to read just disappears. Yeah, I'm a nerd. But that's okay with me.

2. My mother justs reminded me that my last semster of high school starts tomorrow. The past few times I've been reminded of this fact have made me indescribably excited, I have even laughed out loud because of how ready I am. But every now and then, I sort of panic. When we drove past my school today, all I could think about were the things I'll miss. The science office. Eating lunch at The Pit. All of the history teahcers. The silly DECA store, and its delicious cookies. The old gym with its walls of records. Well, I guess I had to leave eventually. And I guess I might be ready. Well see when we get there.