Forgiveness

With all of the miracles that have occured this year, it is so hard to imagine the time that my mom hated the fact that I was going to church and wanted to be baptized. So much has happened in this year. It is incredible.

I was just thinking about something that happened months ago. My mom really did not want me to be going to the Mormon church, and tried so many different things to keep me from going. One Sunday she sent me to Wellspring Episcopalian church and told me to "take a break from the Mormons," even just for one day. It's so funny (not funny...just ironic) that she was so persistent on sending me to Wellspring, because she herself said she would never set in that place. After Holy Apostles closed, a large number of those people went to Wellspring, and my mother had no desire in the world to see those people who tore her heart out. Understandable, I'd say, especially since I felt the same way about them. But still, this is where she chose to send me for the day.

It was so weird walking into that place. I was overwhelmed with this feeling that I didn't want to be there, and I was really nervous. I saw so many people...Steve Roth, the Stewarts, Bob Hirsch (who is technically my "god father"...how strange), Emily Moore, the Barth's, and all of these people that I had not seen in what felt like ages. I felt exposed; I had kept these feelings of resentment and overwhelming sadness for so long, and it was hard to face it head on like that. I wanted to tell them all that they still had it wrong, that running away would never fix their problems, that I finally found the truth.....I just wanted to cry. In that moment, as I was sitting next to Bob, in one of his crushing, yet friendly hugs, I realized that this part of my life is my past. I needed to accept that I had moved on; these people were part of my journey, but no longer. Somehow, I needed to let go of all of these people and all of the things that I blamed them for.

Interestingly enough (though not coincidentally, for our God is not a God of coincidences), the pastor's sermon was about forgiveness. I honestly don't remember much of what he said, I just remember feeling the spirit like I never had. Not because I was sitting in Christ's true church. Not because he was preaching true doctrine. I felt the spirit because I knew that forgiveness was exactly what I needed. I needed to forgive those people in order to move on with my life.
During that service, my life was changed. I had been thinking all morning that I was forced into this horribly awkward, sad situation, and I just wanted to leave and go to my church. My opinion changed though: I was brought to that service. That service was a vital piece in my journey. As I sat among the people who had hurt me more than anyone else has, I forgave them. I forgave them all. My heart was softened, and I realized that maybe they weren't to blame after all. The adversary has great power in his false churches and teachings; even greater power in the selfish nature of humans. Regardless, the greatest burden was lifted from my shoulders, the biterness was gone, and I was able to enjoy the rest of my time there talking with old friends.

My mom didn't realize how much she helped me by sending me to Wellspring that day. She didn't cure me from my "Mormon fever" - not at all. Actually, she added to it. When I left Wellspring, I actually drove right over to the Tufts building and went to the last half hour of Sunday school. The Orchard Ward is my home, and being away from it even for one Sunday made that so very clear to me. At that point in time, I already had a testimony of the restored gospel, but I think I was still a little uneasy at times. Experiences like this one at Wellspring are what consistently proved to me that I was right where I belonged.

I'm so thankful for the Orchard Ward. Those people are are my family, my greatest friends. I'm so thankful to know the truth, and I'm so thankful that I knew it 10 months ago, and believed it. The gospel is true. Jesus Christ is my Savior and King - he died to save my life. Not only are Mormons just naturally awesome, but they have the greatest truths a person could ever know. What's cooler than that? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.